Albert Barnes Commentary 1 Timothy 3:4

"one that ruleth well his own house, having [his] children in subjection with all gravity;" — 1 Timothy 3:4 (ASV)

One that ruleth well his own house. This implies that a minister of the gospel would be, and ought to be, a married man. It is everywhere in the New Testament supposed that he would be a man who could be an example in all relationships of life.

The position he occupies in the church strongly resembles the relationship a father has with his household. A qualification to govern a family well would be evidence of a qualification to preside properly in the church.

It is probable that in the early Christian church, ministers were frequently chosen from those of mature life who were, at the time, heads of families. Of course, these would be men who had an opportunity to show they possessed this qualification for the office.

However, while this cannot be insisted upon now as a prior qualification for the office, it is still true that if he has a family, it is a necessary qualification. A man in the ministry should be one who governs his own house well. Lacking this will always be a hindrance to extensive usefulness.

Having his children in subjection with all gravity. This does not mean that his children should display gravity, whatever may be true on that point; rather, it refers to the father. He should be a grave or serious man in his family, free from levity of character, and from frivolity and fickleness in his interaction with his children.

This does not mean he should be severe, stern, or morose—traits often mistaken for gravity, and which are as inconsistent with the proper spirit of a father as a frivolous manner—but rather that he should be a serious and sober-minded man.

He should maintain proper dignity (semnotēs); he should maintain self-respect, and his deportment should be such as to inspire respect from others.