Albert Barnes Commentary Ephesians 5:22

"Wives, [be in subjection] unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." — Ephesians 5:22 (ASV)

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands. On this passage, see the notes on 1 Corinthians 11:3, and also on 1 Corinthians 11:4–9. The duty of the wife's submission to her husband is everywhere enjoined in the Scriptures. See 1 Peter 3:1; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5.

While Christianity designed to elevate the character of the wife, and to make her a fit companion of an intelligent and pious husband, it did not intend to destroy all subordination and authority. Man, by the fact that he was first created, that the woman was taken from him, and that he is better qualified for ruling than she is, is evidently designed to be at the head of the little community that constitutes a family.

In many other things woman may be his equal; in loveliness, and grace, and beauty, and tenderness, and gentleness, she is far his superior; but these are not the qualities adapted for government. Their place is in another sphere; and there, man should be as cautious about invading her prerogative, or abridging her liberty, as she should be about invading the prerogative that belongs to him.

In every family there should be a head—someone who is to be looked up to as the counselor and the ruler; someone to whom all should be subordinate. God has given that prerogative to man; and no family prospers where that arrangement is violated. Within proper limits, therefore, it is the duty of the wife to obey, or to submit herself to her husband. Those limits are such as the following:

1. In domestic arrangements, the husband is to be regarded as the head of the family; and he has a right to direct as to the style of living, the expenses of the family, the clothing, etc.
2. In regard to the laws which are to regulate the family, he is the head. It is his to say what is to be done, in what way the children are to employ themselves, and to give directions in regard to their education, etc.
3. In business matters, the wife is to submit to the husband. She may counsel with him, if he chooses; but the affairs of business and property are under his control, and must be left at his disposal.
4. In everything, except that which relates to conscience and religion, he has authority. But there his authority ceases. He has no right to require her to commit an act of dishonesty, to connive at wrongdoing, to visit a place of amusement which her conscience tells her is wrong, nor has he a right to interfere with the proper discharge of her religious duties. He has no right to forbid her to go to church at the proper and usual time, or to make a profession of religion when she pleases. He has no right to forbid her endeavoring to exercise a religious influence over her children, or to endeavor to lead them to God. She is bound to obey God rather than any man (see the notes on Acts 4:19).

And when even a husband interferes in such cases, and attempts to control her, he steps beyond his proper bounds, invades the prerogative of God, and his authority ceases to be binding. It should be said, however, that in order to justify her acting independently in such a case, the following things are proper:

1. It should be really a case of conscience—a case where the Lord has plainly required her to do what she proposes to do—and not a mere matter of whim, fancy, or caprice.
2. When a husband makes opposition to the course which a wife wishes to pursue in religious duties, it should lead her to re-examine the matter, to pray much over it, and to see whether she cannot, with a good conscience, comply with his wishes.
3. If she is convinced that she is right, she should still endeavor to see whether it is not possible to win him to her views, and to persuade him to accord with her (see 1 Peter 3:1). It is possible that, if she does right, he may be persuaded to do right also.
4. If she is constrained, however, to differ from him, it should be with mildness and gentleness. There should be no reproach, and no contention. She should simply state her reasons and leave the event to God.
5. She should, after this, be a better wife and put forth more and more effort to make her husband and family happy. She should show that the effect of her religion has been to make her love her husband and children more, to make her more and more attentive to her domestic duties, and more and more kind in affliction. By a life of pure religion, she should aim to secure what she could not by her entreaties—his consent that she should live as she thinks she ought to, and walk to heaven in the path in which she believes that her Lord calls her. While, however, it is to be conceded that the husband has authority over the wife, and a right to command in all cases that do not pertain to the conscience, it should be remarked:

1. That his command should be reasonable and proper.
2. He has no right to require anything wrong or contrary to the will of God.
3. WHERE COMMANDS BEGIN in this relation, HAPPINESS USUALLY ENDS; and the moment a husband requires a wife to do anything, it is usually a signal of departing or departed affection and peace. When there are proper feelings in both parties in this relation, there will be no occasion either to command or to obey. There should be such mutual love and confidence that the known wish of the husband should be a law to the wife, and that the known desires of the wife should be the rule which he would approve. A perfect government is that where the known wish of the lawgiver is a sufficient rule to the subject. Such is the government of heaven; and a family on earth should approximate as nearly as possible to that.

As unto the Lord. As you would to the Lord, because the Lord requires it and has given to the husband this authority.