Albert Barnes Commentary Job 9:35

"Then would I speak, and not fear him; For I am not so in myself." — Job 9:35 (ASV)

Then I would speak, and not fear him - I would then be able to maintain my cause on equal terms and with equal advantages.

But it is not so with me - Margin, "I am not so with myself." Noyes, “I am not so at heart.” Good, “but I could not do so in my present state.” Literally, “for I am not so with myself.” The Syriac renders it, “for neither am I his adversary.” Many different interpretations have been given of this phrase. The Jews, with Aben Ezra, suppose it means, “for I am not such as you suppose me to be. You take me to be a guilty man; but I am innocent, and if I had a fair opportunity for trial, I could show that I am.” Others suppose it to mean, “I am held to be guilty by the Most High and am treated accordingly. But I am not so. I am conscious to myself that I am innocent.”

It seems to me that Dr. Good has come nearer to the true sense than any other interpreter, and certainly his exposition accords with the connection. According to this, the meaning is, “I am not able to vindicate myself in this way in my present circumstances. I am oppressed and crushed beneath a load of calamities. But if these were removed, and if I had a fair opportunity for trial, then I could so state my cause as to make it appear to be just.”

In this whole chapter, there is evidently much lack of submission and improper feeling. Job submits to power, not to truth and right. He sees and admits that God is able to overwhelm him, but he does not seem disposed to admit that God is right in doing it. He supposes that if he had a fair and full opportunity of trial, he could make his cause good, and that it would be seen that he did not deserve his heavy calamities.

There is much of this kind of submission to God even among good people. It is submission because they cannot help it, not because they see the divine dealings to be right. There is nothing cheerful or confiding about it. There is often a secret feeling in the heart that the sufferings are beyond what is deserved, and that if the case could be fairly tried, the dealings of God would be found to be harsh and severe.

Let us not blame Job for his impatience and irreverent language, until we have carefully examined our own hearts in times of trial like those which he endured. Let us not infer that he was worse than other men, until we are placed in similar circumstances and are able to manifest better feelings than he did.