Charles Ellicott Commentary 1 Timothy 3:4

"one that ruleth well his own house, having [his] children in subjection with all gravity;" — 1 Timothy 3:4 (ASV)

One that ruleth well his own house.—Paul here again turns to the vein of thought first introduced in 1 Timothy 3:2: The life of the officer in the Church of God must be a pattern life for those outside, as well as for those within the Church’s fold, to copy and imitate. He must be pre-eminent in nobility of life and aims; but the life and the aims must belong to ordinary, everyday life. His high standard must be not an inimitable one; the example must be one that all honest people may follow and copy, if they are willing.

So, first of all (1 Timothy 3:2), the Apostle places among the qualities necessary for a governing elder in the Church, the pure home life of the husband; then, after enumerating other points to be looked for in the character of one chosen to rule in the congregation, Paul comes back to this central idea, the home life of the Church official; that home life must present the spectacle of a well-ordered household. This will be at least a good test of a man’s fitness to rule the large family of the congregation, if his own home is gently yet firmly ruled; his wife, a model Christian lady; his children growing up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Having his children in subjection with all gravity.—The Greek word translated as “gravity” occurs in 1 Timothy 2:2, where it is translated in the Authorized Version, not very happily, by “honesty.” The word used in the original Greek denotes that decorum, that propriety of demeanour, which belongs especially to the pure and chaste, and seems to urge that a particular reverence and a special decorum should be aimed at in all relations with the young. Maxima debetur pueris reverentia. The child life in the families of these ministers of Christ’s religion must also be an example to countless other homes.